Red Flags to an Abusive Relationship

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Red Flags to an Abusive Relationship

 

Jealousy

    Wants to be with you constantly

    Accuses you of cheating all the time

    Follows you around or frequently calls during the day

    Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you

 

Controlling Behavior

    Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time

    Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions

    Becomes extremely angry when late

    Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went

    Makes you ask permission to do certain things

 

Quick Involvement

    6 months or less before living together/engaged

    Claims of love at first sight

    Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way

    Pressure for commitment

 

Unrealistic Expectations

    Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman

    Very dependent for all needs

    Expects you to be perfect

    Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need

 

Isolation

    Tries to cut off all your resources

    Puts down everyone you know
Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
Family is too controlling, don't really love you, or you are too dependent on them

    Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone

    Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work

 

Blames Others for Problems

    If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else's fault

    You're at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

 

Blames Others for Feelings

    Makes you responsible for how they feel:

    You made me mad.

    You're hurting me by not doing what I ask.

    I can't help being angry.

    You make me happy.

    You control how I feel.

 

Hypersensitivity

    Easily insulted

    Sees everything as personal attacks

    Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them

    Totally goes off about small irritations

    Looks for fights

    Blows things out of proportion

 

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

    Punishes animals/children cruelly

    Insensitive to pain and suffering

    High expectations of children beyond their abilities

    Tease children or younger sibling until they cry

    Doesn't treat other people with respect

 

Playful Use of Force During Sex

    Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance

    Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you

 

Rigid Sex Roles

    Believes women are inferior to men

    Unable to be a whole person without a relationship

 

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

    Sudden mood changes--like they have two different personalities

    One minute nice/next minute exploding

    One minute happy/next minute sad

 

Past Battering

    You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn't that bad

 

Breaking or Striking Objects

    Used as punishment

    Breaks cherished possessions

    May beat on tables with fist

    Throws objects at/around/or near you

 

Any Force during an Argument

    Physically restrains you from leaving the room

    Pushes or shoves you

 

Questions to Ask

    Are you in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or threatened by your partner?

    Are you in a relationship in which you felt you were treated badly? In what ways?

    Has your partner ever destroyed things that you care about?

    Has your partner ever threatened or abused your children?

    Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to?

    What happens when you and your partner disagree?

    Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?

    Has your partner ever prevented you from leaving the house, seeing friends, getting a job or continuing your education?

    If your partner uses drugs/alcohol, how does he act? Is he ever verbally or physically abusive?

    Do you have guns in your home? Has your partner ever threatened to use them when he was angry?

 

Borrowed from "New Directions":

My Local County Domestic Abuse Shelter

 

 

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Cycle of Abuse

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Found on photobucket.com

 

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 2008  Karen Lucas*

*(Except for my individual own song copyrights,

which were copyrighted on other dates, and/or other copyrighted material by others.)


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