Red Flags to an Abusive Relationship

 

Jealousy

·    Wants to be with you constantly

·    Accuses you of cheating all the time

·    Follows you around or frequently calls during the day

·    Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you

 

Controlling Behavior

·    Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time

·    Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions

·    Becomes extremely angry when late

·    Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went

·    Makes you ask permission to do certain things

 

Quick Involvement

·    6 months or less before living together/engaged

·    Claims of love at first sight

·    Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way

·    Pressure for commitment

 

Unrealistic Expectations

·    Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman

·    Very dependent for all needs

·    Expects you to be perfect

·    Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need

 

Isolation

·    Tries to cut off all your resources

·    Puts down everyone you know
Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
Family is too controlling, don't really love you, or you are too dependent on them

·    Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone

·    Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work

 

Blames Others for Problems

·    If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else's fault

·    You're at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

 

Blames Others for Feelings

·    Makes you responsible for how they feel:

·    You made me mad.

·    You're hurting me by not doing what I ask.

·    I can't help being angry.

·    You make me happy.

·    You control how I feel.

 

Hypersensitivity

·    Easily insulted

·    Sees everything as personal attacks

·    Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them

·    Totally goes off about small irritations

·    Looks for fights

·    Blows things out of proportion

 

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

·    Punishes animals/children cruelly

·    Insensitive to pain and suffering

·    High expectations of children beyond their abilities

·    Tease children or younger sibling until they cry

·    Doesn't treat other people with respect

 

Playful Use of Force During Sex

·    Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance

·    Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you

 

Rigid Sex Roles

·    Believes women are inferior to men

·    Unable to be a whole person without a relationship

 

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

·    Sudden mood changes--like they have two different personalities

·    One minute nice/next minute exploding

·    One minute happy/next minute sad

 

Past Battering

·    You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny it saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn't that bad

 

Breaking or Striking Objects

·    Used as punishment

·    Breaks cherished possessions

·    May beat on tables with fist

·    Throws objects at/around/or near you

 

Any Force during an Argument

·    Physically restrains you from leaving the room

·    Pushes or shoves you

 

Questions to Ask

·    Are you in a relationship in which you have been physically hurt or threatened by your partner?

·    Are you in a relationship in which you felt you were treated badly? In what ways?

·    Has your partner ever destroyed things that you care about?

·    Has your partner ever threatened or abused your children?

·    Has your partner ever forced you to have sex when you didn't want to?

·    What happens when you and your partner disagree?

·    Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?

·    Has your partner ever prevented you from leaving the house, seeing friends, getting a job or continuing your education?

·    If your partner uses drugs/alcohol, how does he act? Is he ever verbally or physically abusive?

·    Do you have guns in your home? Has your partner ever threatened to use them when he was angry?

 

Borrowed from "New Directions":

My Local County Domestic Abuse Shelter