"To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch…
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you have lived."
This is to have succeeded!
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OTHE "BOOGIE" CATO:
(“Praise Himwiththe timbrel and dance
praise Him with stringed instruments...”)
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing
gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that were chests,
filled with ice, with glass bottles. 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P. F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone
numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15.
S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20.
Packard's (the car) 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered:
= You're still young 6-10 = You are getting older 11-15 = Don't tell your age, 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
While the Amish boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the elevator
and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and
his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light
up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to
his son, "Quick son, go get your mother!"
Extracts From Insurance Claims, & Accident Reports:
was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
A Child’s Heart
four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked into her ears, he asked, "Do you think I'll
find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.
He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor
put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"
no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."
man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way. The
only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!"
And the only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!" The man
was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!"
shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This
is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The
man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word
to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The
donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... 'Bible!
Church! Please Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff
edge. Finally, in
desperation, the man said a prayer... "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this
mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN."
the donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. Breathing a sigh of relief, the man said:
Bit of Humor...
small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-d….” “What?” “I’m
thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Da-aaad…..”
“WHAT?” “I’m thirsty. Can I have a drink of water??” “No! Now, go to bed!” Five mintues later:Daaa-aaaad….. I’m THRISTY!” “NO! Now, if you ask again, I’ll have to spank
you!!” Five minutes later…… “Daaa-aaaad…..” “WHAT!” “When you come
in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”
you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots
still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy
said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots
off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time
on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't
my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to do.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He
then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She than mustered
up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again. She
said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
didn't know if my granddaughter has learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and
ask her what color it was. She would tell me and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself."
grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked, "Is it possible
to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the
patient's name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator
replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse." After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone,
"Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came
back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday." The grandmother said, "Thank you.
That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news." The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is
Norma your daughter...?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."
Let Me Help You With That
down the street, a man passes a house and notices a child trying to reach the doorbell. No matter how much the little guy
stretches, he can't make it. The man calls out, "Let me get that for you," and he bounds onto the porch to ring the bell.
"Thanks, mister," says the kid. "Now let's run.
Ok kids... now here are a couple of my personal jokes:
Q: Why didn't the pony want to go out to the field to play?
A: Because he had a cold and was a little "horse".
Q: What's a kitten's favorite subject in school?
A: Mew-sic, of course! (Music)
THERE ISJOYIN JESUS♥!
When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left
and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I tell you the truth, you must accept the kingdom of God
as if you were a little child, or you will never enter it.”